3 Costly Mistakes Women Over 50 Make That Silence Them
Walking through the door of the art studio at the last minute for a beginning class in painting left me feeling like I was going to be sick.
How is it possible to be afraid and excited at the same time?
As I looked around the room filled with easels, art supplies, the teacher’s paintings, several women were chatting with cups of coffee in their hands and laughing together. It seemed as if they all know each other and where good friends.
There was one spot left in the corner and I hurried to it and began to unpack my supplies, removing the plastic wrap of a new canvas, and set it up on the easel.
The teacher introduced herself, gave an overview of the day, and did a small demonstration on activating the canvas or creating the first layer by putting marks, painting, scratching, or scribbling.
Then she gave the instruction that it was our turn to begin and lay down the first layer.
I turned around and stood in front of the easel, my hands trembling slightly as I held the paintbrush.
The blank canvas stared back at me, an intimidating expanse of white that seemed to whisper every doubt I had ever felt.
This was my chance to be self-expressed, to be seen, to be heard, to be a part of this workshop, to be with other people!
All I could hear was my inner critic starting to speak up: “Who do you think you are? You’re not an artist.”
I became invisible.
Feeling Seen and Heard by Others
Many women over 50 feel like they’ve become invisible, that their voice is not heard, and that they’re not truly seen by those around them.
It’s a frustrating and disheartening experience that can lead to feelings of loneliness, self-doubt, and a sense of being stuck.
But this isn’t the way it has to be.
By the end of this post, you’ll understand why feeling seen and heard is so crucial to living authentically, how to overcome common mistakes that keep you from being seen, and practical steps to make your voice heard and feel truly appreciated in your relationships and communities.
By the end of this post, you will also find out what happened in that workshop and with the blank canvas.
Why Feeling Seen and Heard Is Important
Feeling seen and heard is more than just a desire for attention; it's a fundamental human need that brings fulfillment and connection.
This is especially important for older women who may have spent decades prioritizing others over themselves, often losing touch with their own voices and dreams.
You might wonder if it’s too late to change this, or if you’ve missed your chance.
It’s not.
In fact, now is the perfect time.
With years of experience and wisdom, you have a unique perspective that deserves to be shared.
The key is to start embracing your authenticity and showing up in a way that feels genuine to you.
The benefits are profound: increased confidence, stronger relationships, and a renewed sense of purpose.
Let’s dive into the common mistakes that keep you from feeling seen and heard.
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Women Over 50 Make That Keep Them from Feeling Seen and Heard
Mistake #1: Staying Silent or Downplaying Your Needs
Many older women stay quiet in conversations, meetings, or family gatherings, thinking their input isn’t valuable or won’t be well-received.
This can stem from years of putting others first or feeling that their thoughts don’t matter.
The thought might be, “No one wants to hear what I have to say.” or “What I have to say is not important.”
We know that thoughts cause our feelings, and these particular thoughts cause a feeling of unworthiness.
Our feelings drive our actions, and a feeling of unworthiness make it challenging to share openly or engage in meaningful conversations, to begin to paint, write or do creative activities.
Actions create our results.
These actions ultimately diminishing one's sense of contribution and no one hears or sees us.
The result is you become invisible, and others miss out on the richness of your experience and insights.
Mistake #2: Waiting for Others to Notice You
It’s easy to fall into the trap of waiting for others to notice what you need or how you feel.
The thought might be, “I want others’ to notice me.”
We know that our thoughts cause our feelings, and these thoughts cause a feeling of frustration when the recognition doesn’t come.
Our feelings drive our actions, and a feeling of frustration will make us be passive in our actions rather than taking massive actions to meet our needs or to be self-expressed.
Actions create our results.
These actions create the result of no one notices, sees, or hears us.
One needs to have a shift in perception to actively express oneself to be seen.
Mistake #3: Trying to Please Everyone
Many women over 50 have been conditioned to avoid conflict and strive to please everyone.
This often leads to saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’ or agreeing with opinions you don’t actually share.
The result is a watered-down version of yourself that isn’t true to who you are, making it hard for others to connect with the real you.
Now that we’ve identified the mistakes, let’s explore how to change these patterns and step into your authentic self.
How to Feel Seen and Heard
To feel seen and heard, you need to take intentional steps to find and express your authentic voice. Here are four steps to help you get started:
Step 1: Clarify What You Want to Communicate
Goal: Understand what truly matters to you and what you want to express. Get clear on what you are thinking or feeling without judgement and catch negativity.
Why It Matters: Without clarity, your message may be muddled or misunderstood. Knowing what you want to say gives you confidence and helps you stay true to yourself. Men expecially understand more about what we need when we are clear and to the point.
What to Do: Take a few minutes each day to reflect on what’s important to you. Journal about what you feel strongly about or what issues you’d like to speak up on.
Example: Instead of agreeing to a plan you don’t like, say, “I appreciate your idea, but I would prefer to spend our weekend differently.”
Pitfall to Avoid: Don’t rush this step. Allow yourself time to think deeply and listen to your inner voice.
Step 2: Practice Speaking Up in Small Ways
Goal: Build confidence in expressing yourself by starting with low-stakes situations.
Why It Matters: Like any skill, finding your voice requires practice. The more you speak up, the more natural it will feel.
What to Do: Begin with simple actions, like stating your preference for a movie or offering your opinion in a casual conversation. Gradually move to more significant expressions of your thoughts and feelings.
Example: In a group discussion, add your perspective by saying, “I have a different view on that…”
Pitfall to Avoid: Don’t wait for the perfect moment; it may never come. Start small and build from there.
Step 3: Set Boundaries with Confidence
Goal: Protect your energy and time by establishing clear boundaries.
Why It Matters: Boundaries show others how you expect to be treated and ensure your needs are respected.
What to Do: Clearly communicate your boundaries in a calm, assertive manner. For example, “I’m not available on weekends for work-related matters.”
Example: If someone interrupts you frequently, say, “I’d like to finish my thought first.
Pitfall to Avoid: Avoid being apologetic or overly accommodating when stating your boundaries.
Step 4: Find Your Community
Goal: Surround yourself with people who value and support your authentic self.
Why It Matters: Feeling seen and heard is easier when you’re with people who genuinely care about your well-being.
What to Do: Look for groups, clubs, or communities where you can connect with like-minded women. Attend local meet-ups, join online forums, or start a group centered around a passion of yours.
Example: Join a book club, an art class, or a volunteer group to meet others who share your interests.
Pitfall to Avoid: Don’t isolate yourself or wait for others to come to you. Be proactive in seeking out connections.
“But What If No One Cares What I Have to Say?”
It’s common to worry that what you have to say doesn’t matter or won’t be well-received.
Maybe another way to think about this is “Everyone’s voice matters, including mine.
The Blank Canvas
As I stood in front of the blank canvas I remembered a belief of mine.
“Art,” I said in my head, “isn’t about being perfect or being good. It’s about expressing what’s inside you.”
I reminded myself, “It’s about reclaiming my voice, trusting in my value, and healing the layers of doubt and shame that have kept me small.”
A lump formed in my throat, and tears welled up as I realized the truth in those words.
I picked up the brush again, hesitating for a moment, and then dipped it into the paint.
My first stroke was tentative, but the next came a little easier, and soon, the colors began to flow.
Each stroke was an act of defiance against the voice that told me I wasn’t enough.
As the colors bled into one another, I felt something shift inside me.
I was painting, yes, but more importantly, I was reclaiming my voice.
I was telling the story of the little girl who had felt unseen, unheard, and I was telling it to myself first.
I was allowing myself to be messy, to be imperfect, to be vulnerable.
When I stepped back, I didn’t see a masterpiece.
But I saw something else—my own reflection, my own truth, laid bare on the canvas. I saw the courage it took to be seen, not just by others, but by myself.
That day, I understood that the belief of “not being an artist” was never really about art.
It was about reclaiming my voice, trusting in the value of my self-expression, and healing the layers of self-doubt and shame that had been there all along.
Art, in this sense, had become both a challenge and a healing journey—an opportunity to be seen and heard, first by myself, and then by others.
And so, I decided that I would keep painting, not because I needed to prove I was an artist, but because I finally believed I had always been one.