Keep Your Cool: How to Tame Your Emotions Without Losing Your Marbles

If you’re like me, there may have been a time when emotions felt like unruly house guests who wouldn’t leave—overstaying their welcome, wreaking havoc, and making everything harder than it needed to be.

I spent years trying to manage my emotions, and I’ve found three ways to stop them from running the show.

Here they are—one extreme, one common (but problematic), and one that actually works.

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Option #1: Lobotomy—Not Exactly a Good Idea.
This first option is a bit drastic, and honestly, I’m not sure they even do lobotomies anymore.

It’s the epitome of shutting off emotions completely.

No joy, no sadness, no fear.

Of course, it also means no meaningful connection, no laughter, and no creativity.

In other words, if you really want to stop feeling, a lobotomy would do the trick, but you’d also end up losing everything that makes life vibrant.

A nonstarter, if you ask me.

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Option #2: Buffering—Numbing the Problem Away.
A more familiar (and far more popular) approach is buffering.

This is when you use external things—alcohol, food, TV, shopping, social media—to create a barrier between you and whatever emotion is creeping in.

It works... for a while.

You don’t feel the anxiety, the fear, or the sadness because you’re too busy sipping wine or scrolling through Instagram.

But, much like sweeping dirt under the rug, buffering only hides the issue.

Eventually, you have to deal with the pile of dirt, and by then, it’s grown into something overwhelming.

I’m no stranger to buffering.

My go-to was always “wine and white cupcakes,” a magical combo that numbed everything out.

But the next morning?

The problems—and emotions—were still there, just waiting for me to wake up.

It’s a temporary fix, but it doesn’t solve anything.

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Option #3: Emotional Awareness—Facing the Music (and the Feelings).
This is the hard one, but it’s also the only one that truly works: actually facing your emotions.

Instead of running from them, you check in with what you’re feeling and, most importantly, why.

This requires getting in touch with your nervous system and the signals your body is sending you.

Let me give you a personal example.

I used to go for walks with music blasting in my ears, trying to drown out my thoughts.

One day, I decided to skip the music and just walk in silence.

What happened?

I realized I had been holding my breath and clenching my fists for most of the walk.

My body was telling me I was anxious, but I hadn’t been listening.

So I stopped, took a deep breath, and asked myself, “What’s really going on here?”

Turns out, I was worried about a million little things—things I’d been shoving aside in the name of staying “in control.”

But by acknowledging the anxiety, I didn’t feel as overwhelmed.

I was able to release some of the tension and deal with the real issues, rather than covering them up with distractions.

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Understanding Emotions: What Are They, Really?
Emotions are complex reactions to events we find significant.

They involve mental, physiological, and behavioral responses.

The most common emotions are fear, hurt, and anger.

Think of them as your body’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s happening here, pay attention!”

Ignoring emotions is like ignoring a fire alarm—sure, you can drown it out with noise, but sooner or later, the flames are going to spread.

Our nervous system plays a big role in how we experience emotions.

At the most primitive level, our nervous system is designed to detect threats and react quickly—fight, flight, or freeze.

This was great when we were being chased by predators, but it’s not always helpful when the “threat” is just a tough conversation or a work deadline.

Learning to recognize and manage these nervous system reactions is key to emotional awareness.

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The Nervous System Ladder: Understanding Where You Are
I like to think of emotional regulation like a ladder. At the bottom is a state of low energy—disconnected, withdrawn, maybe even numb.

At the top is high energy—panic, anxiety, overwhelm.

In the middle is what I call home base—a state of balance, where you feel calm, grounded, and capable.

Throughout the day, we all move up and down this ladder.

The goal isn’t to stay at home base 100% of the time (that’s not realistic), but rather to be aware of where you are and how you can respond from there.

When you’re at the top, in that anxious, high-energy state, you might feel out of control.

Your heart races, your mind spins, and you’re ready to react without thinking.

When you’re at the bottom, you may feel checked out, low on energy, and just “done” with everything.

Neither state is inherently bad, but awareness is key.

If you know where you are on the ladder, you can make more conscious choices about how to respond.

Journal Prompts for Emotional Check-Ins:

• What am I feeling right now? Is it anxiety, sadness, frustration, calm?

• What physical sensations am I noticing? Tight shoulders? Shallow breath?

• How is my body reacting? Where am I holding tension?

• Am I talking to myself harshly or kindly? What’s my inner dialogue?

• Is there a logical reason I might be feeling this way, given the current circumstances?

  By asking these questions, you bring awareness to your emotional and physiological state, which empowers you to make informed decisions about how to proceed.

You’re no longer at the mercy of your emotions; instead, you’re in dialogue with them.

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Why Does Emotional Awareness Matter?
Once you understand where you are emotionally and physically, you can make conscious choices about what to do next.

Instead of lashing out in frustration or numbing yourself with distractions, you can take a breath, acknowledge what’s happening, and decide how to respond.

This doesn’t mean you’ll never feel overwhelmed or anxious again—it means you’ll be better equipped to handle those feelings when they come up.

Ultimately, the goal isn’t to stop feeling emotions.

That’s impossible—and, frankly, not desirable.

Emotions are part of the human experience, and learning to engage with them (rather than running from them) allows you to live a fuller, more authentic life.

So, the next time you feel your emotions rising up, don’t reach for the wine or the remote.

Take a moment, check in with yourself, and remember that awareness is the first step toward freedom.

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